God ‘gave them over’ this what gets me. Growing awareness and screaming loss and the absence of anything decent or attractive in the ‘over’. Painful. Dying to self the cry. A confession of faith, that all about, is increasingly empty. With this comes shame and strong. To project myself out there, so brash and full-of. On those occasions done and does me over. Get sick in the pit with aching and loathing.
Got a v.few mins to tap. Nothing much to say. That my eyes are on me, a sign, all is not well. Get the ‘unexamined life is a waste’ line. Listen to wisdom, for a helpful spur toward better. Yet, these messages are floored. Bankrupt. Found wanting… There is no peace – at least for me – in this valley. Knowing truth and insight about and somehow enough. Not, when there’s God.
Moving from theory and somehow unseen God revealing and moving; to knowing God. This what these self-reading along posts, (not ‘for’ readers, esp. this morn.), will hopefully begin to reveal. Expressions knowing someone. In the revealing, by this… someone. That ‘my eyes are on’ becoming, more-so and near-as consistently captured, by the living one.
My life ‘examined’ found wanting, because of over-riding interest toward and in relation to, the people's lover. No ‘something else’ to compete. Reality, in what we perceive, shows me only God is this compelling. Reaches further, deeper, wider…
Only God got it.
Hard lesson, considered perhaps, outrageous claim: God is our every day necessary and need in the steps, liberty bringer. While on top of, frankly ...this, interesting. Only God interaction a better way. And man oh man sick me, needs operations to recover. Ill-at-ease-ness, comes whenever, coming and goings. What’s THIS, all about? How can I go away, move away? What and why?
Frustration at rudeness and madness and a stroppy run-away. Notice this. Rejection…
OK 9am up. And this a deadline.
Thought: Really want to discover God. And this takes sacrifice / as if, is…, from everything else that can be got out from under. Got off. Get disciplined and determined. All for another order of ‘things' which is a person-like, defying size and wonder. Who's intently interested in us, coming to know. To realise and respond.